So, for this blog I wanted to discuss what’s highly relevant in our society, whether you have a love or
an arranged marriage: the talking stage beforehand.
Obviously, this is all from a woman’s perspective, so if you’re a male reading this you might have
slightly different views but I do hope it helps you understand things a little more.
I know for some people the talking stage might be a little different, especially if you’re having a sort
of strict arranged marriage but I think for whatever situation it is, you need to be loyal, honest and
you need to communicate and comprehend. I think those are the most important things.
I know people have different thoughts about being loyal during the talking stage. I know some
people think you don’t owe the other person loyalty because it’s not “serious” yet, but I speak for
majority of women when I say, you need to be loyal. If you’re speaking to other people, then surely
you can’t be that serious about us? Nobody wants to be led on and nobody wants to feel like second
choice, whether you’re a man or a woman. With loyalty ties in honesty. If you’re going to use your
own time and someone else’s time to get to know them, then really, honesty is the bare minimum
you can give. Otherwise, you’re really just wasting everyone’s time. What will you do when you’re
not honest about something, that ends up coming out a few months later and it puts the other
person off you because you’re a liar? You’ll be putting yourself in that situation, so you’ll only have
yourself to blame. So, don’t lie, whether it’s a big lie or a small lie.
Now I know everyone says communication is everything, but I don’t believe that. It’s comprehension
that is. You could sit there for 24 hours communicating with someone while they’re just not
comprehending any of what you’re saying and then both of you are back to square one. You need to
understand each other, your needs and your wants. Make it clear what you want: for yourselves, for
each other and for your future because you might come to find that there are certain things which
are deal breakers for one of you. It’s best to get those sorts of things out at the beginning, to avoid
wasting everyone’s time.
Now to speak from the other side: I know I did say loyalty is important but any sort of controlling or
suffocating or obsession or manipulation is not on. Give each other as much respect as you can
possibly give. That doesn’t even just relate to the talking stage, that’s for any stage. Never tolerate
anyone disrespect towards you because if they don’t respect you in the beginning, chances are they
never will.
Another thing I’ll say is, I know even during the talking stage you need to put your heart out there
BUT don’t give it to the other person completely. It is still yours and it’s yours to protect until they
make the proper commitment of marrying you. Don’t fall for anyone’s words no matter how much
they sweet talk you, their actions will always show you more.
By Aaisha Sabir
The Melting Scot 